News of the Week for The Los Gatos Social Club April 14, 2008:

POLICE ESCORT: Seems Patrick O’Laughlin, our wayfaring Chairman of The Board, requested a special police escort to San Francisco last week where he was scheduled to have an MRI in preparation for an upcoming operation. As a former Los Gatos mayor, Patrick’s escort was none other than our own Duino Giordano, retired LGPD captain and 35 year veteran of the force. Duino welcomed the assignment as a break from his normal retirement duties of delivering bagels to the female staff of the department.

Well, all went well for Patrick and Duino until they discovered that approximately 10,000 Tibetan protestors stood between their freeway exit and Patrick’s MRI machine. Not to be deterred, Duino suddenly morphed into Steve McQueen – heading down one way streets (in the wrong direction), darting thru alleys, making numerous U turns over double lines, etc. etc. all at speeds that would have made Steve proud. After being pulled over some five times by San Francisco’s finest (and released immediately on his own recognizance – cops do take care of their own - Duino and Patrick managed to talk, bluff and bully their way thru a final barricade of police cars and arrived an hour and a half late for Patrick’s appointment.

After successfully being scanned, Patrick offered to take Duino for the World’s Best Hamburger at the Zuni Café; but Duino had had enough of SF driving and they left town with the satisfaction of knowing that they had not been beaten out by the Olympic Torch, the Chinese Communists or the Tibetans.

JEFF MILLER SCORES A SIX-PACK – MANY THANKS TO JEFF!!!: First of all, thanks to Jeff for bringing a magnum of Merry Edwards 2005 Russian River Valley Pinot. This fine bottle of wine remains downstairs @45 Broadway awaiting consumption by our group at some future date. As we all left for Gardino’s, Jeff volunteered to schlep one of several six-packs of wine generously provided by all of you. Somehow there seemed to be less wine than usual at Gardino’s and a call from Kristi Miller next morning cleared up the mystery. Seems Jeff left our six-pack on the front seat of his pickup (he’d left the Ferrari at home that night). The good news is that the six-pack has been returned and there will be extra for all this week.

JOANNE RILEY MUST HAVE SOLD A BIG HOUSE: Thanks to Joanne for bringing an extremely impressive and absolutely delicious magnum of Honig 2004 Cabernet. Very expensive, very good and very appreciated.

SOCIAL CLUB CONSIGIERE NINO BRINGS HIS OWN JUDGE: Only one week into his new assignment as Consigliore for The Los Gatos Social Club, Denny Nino arrived for dinner last week with his very own Superior Court Judge. It was none other than his old law school buddy, Jim Emerson. Now most of you know that Jim and Denny have frequently joined us for dinner in the past, but last week was the first time Jim wore a coat and tie – evidently as a sign of RESPECT for our new Consigliore.

MARK YOUR CALENDARS: We’re starting to set dates for a whole summer’s worth of Los Gatos Social Club special events at the homes of our members.

Many other dates will be announced in coming weeks – look forward to a very fun summer.

In the meantime, see you all this Wednesday night for cocktails at 6:30pm @45 Broadway --- dinner sometime thereafter @Gardino’s.

Best regards,

Peter

PS: The Joke of the Week

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
* Yes = No.
* No = Yes.
* Maybe = No.
* We need = I want.
* I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.
* We need to talk = I need to complain.
* Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to.
* Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
* I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
* Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead.
* You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
* Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
* You're so .. manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
* Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
* It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
* You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about
* I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
* How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like.

MEN'S ENGLISH:
* I'm hungry = I'm hungry.
* I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy.
* I'm tired = I'm tired.
* Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
* I love you = Let's have sex now.
* I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
* What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question.
* May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
* Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
* Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
* May I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
* Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
* You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you within the next ten minutes.
* Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep
Person and then I'd like to have sex with you.
* I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

The Los Gatos Social Club Newsletter 2008 Volume XIV